Amy's space

The other morning, I wearily roused myself out of bed. I was exhausted and did not sleep well so I was in a less than amiable mood. My son on the other hand was up, perky and cheerful, raring to hit the day head on. I looked at him with all his enthusiasm and sheer unbridled excitement at just existing and found myself a little resentful. Why can’t I have such a lust for life.

I knew that I was going to have to go downstairs and commit the worst possible act a mother can commit. The unspeakable act of waking her sleeping groggy children from bed because they are going to be late for school if they don’t get their butts out of that bed right that moment which would then set in motion a chain reaction that would require me to have to actually drive them to school instead of riding the bus! Filled with the dread of this knowledge, my eye found my enthusiastic and genuinely happy son. He was already bouncing around the room spouting off what he would like to have for breakfast and asking me how soon it would be before he could engage in his favorite activity of wiling away time on the xbox 360. Suddenly a stroke of genius. “Send the boy to wake his sisters” was the sneaky voice in my head. Once on his mission I knew he could never be deterred, and what brother wouldn’t love to inflict some malice on his slumbering sisters. So I said to my son, “Hey, why don’t you run downstairs and tell the girls that it’s morning time!” He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me very somberly. “I’m not your henchman.” was his disgruntled retort.

I was shocked. When did I become an evil genius of the likes that would or could thwart someone as smooth and resourceful (not to mention handsome and did I mention that he has an accent…) as James Bond, but apparently that is what I have become. Someone whose sneaky and wily ideas required the assistance of a dispensable thoughtless thug? Is that what motherhood boils down to…conniving and plotting to get the things I expect accomplished? Well, actually sometimes yes. But now I obviously don’t have a willing partner? My little henchman had laid down the law. He would no longer be manipulated or influenced to do my bidding. I am now on my own. His realization that he has the power to refuse my every little whim has made him the ultimate study in independence and as for me…I suppose I will have to start doing my own dirty work! Mwahh, hahahaha.

As I drive around our neck of the woods I see lots and lots of cars sporting all kinds of messages. In particular, there is a house at the end of our street where a car is parked that is literally covered with propaganda. Every time I come to a stop at the end of our street I have to quickly scan this car to see where I left off the last time I was stopped there. This car has probably 30-40 bumper stickers stuck to the back of it. Fortunately, I agree with most of the comments that are plastered there but there are a great many cars I pass in my routine travels that really truly upset me!

For example, I would truly love for those people who feel so insignificant in their lives that they have to bolster themselves up by permanently adhering rude comments about other people's children and how a dog is smarter than these people's children to the back of their enormous gas guzzling SUV. How sad and pathetic must a person be to feel the necessity to insult a child. I may be old fashioned in my thinking, but a grown person making insulting comments to and about a child seems so very very low. I mean really, does this same person who plasters their car with rude remarks about how their pug dog is using honor students in it's diabolical plan to take over the world then walk into a store, find the first child available and then proceed to scream and yell at this, "You are a short good for nothing piece of crap?" No! And I would suspect that if they did, someone would be calling store security in a hurry.  So why, does this same person think it is okay to put rude remarks on the back of their car? I wonder how that same person would feel if I parked in front of them with a bumper sticker that said something to the effect of, "My honor student is more likely to create a life saving vaccine, publish a great work of literature, or be the leader of our country than your stupid pug dog who really only does three things, eat, poop, and lick it's own butt! So get over yourself and your dog." Furthermore, they are so very low that they can only make these rude remarks when there isn't any real possibility of retaliation. When no one can say, "Hey, that was really rude and totally out of line."

But I think by far the most insulting stickers pop up, coincidentally, around election times. I really find politically charged stickers obnoxious. The reason I love this country so much is that we are free to think and say whatever we feel is important to us, but unfortunately what is too important to many people here is the need to be insulting. I don't agree with most of my families...okay almost all of my families political ideas. In fact, I strongly disagree with them, but I respect the fact that no matter how much I try to reason with them they are entitled to believe whatever they want. But I don't yell at my relation, "You are a stupid red neck hick who wouldn't know a good foreign policy if it slapped you upside the head!" Because that would be rude, and cousin x is entitled to have their own opinion no matter how much I disagree with it and it's complete lack of intellectual basis. :-)

So really, the only thing I can see an insulting bumper sticker will accomplish is increasing your likely hood of getting rear-ended by the angry driver behind you. And if you don't believe me, know this...I have seriously considered it!

In our home we celebrate Halloween. I love it! I think I love Halloween even more than Christmas because I don't have to rack my brain about what to get people. I go to Costco and buy two or three enormous bags of mixed candy. Oh, please, don't even think for one second that I get the crappy cheap bags with things like sweeties. No way...I buy the bags with Butterfingers, Snickers, and Reese's Peanut Butter cups! You know the good stuff. Easy! No stressing over whether or not the recipient is going to like it...it's candy for cripes sake!

Then there is also the whole dressing up thing! Who said that we have to completely give up 'dress up' just because we are adults. I love to dress up on Halloween because it is one of two or three days out of the year when I can dress up and no body thinks it is weird. I mean in all reality if I could I would wear a tiara everyday, I totally would. I don't care if it was just down to the bus stop and I haven't brushed my hair...or my teeth for that matter. Which reminds me, Mom, Chlo-bear destroyed my last tiara...so if you are looking for a Christmas gift idea there you go.

Then this year I also added a whole new dimension to Halloween. I volunteered to help out with both my girls school Halloween parties. So, I sent Kevin to the grocery store early Halloween morning to get dry ice! I love this stuff. It is soooooo very fun to mess around with. I totally understand why the grocery stores card for it though. I forgot how much fun it was making dry ice bombs in High school. So, using the left over dry ice from the Halloween parties I put a bubbling cauldron on our front porch! How cool is that! I totally have the house that is the cool house at Halloween. And sooo a Monster is born. I am already planning my scarecrow for next year and am planning on getting a bale of hay from the Feed and Seed store near here. Tee hee hee...can you feel my giddiness? Hope everyone had a great Halloween too!

Now that we sold our other house and are considered lucrative again, I have to admit that I have gone on a consumerist spending binge that would shame some heiresses! While I tell myself that I am doing my part to single handedly stimulate the oppressively depressing economy, in reality it is nothing more than a shameless clothing spending spree...and now I hang my head in shame.

I have spent the last several months not spending anything more than I absolutely had to in anticipation of the fact that we were going to be shelling out two mortgage payments every month while we waited anxiously for someone to buy our other house. I watched every penny...like a hawk! I bought absolutely nothing but the essentials; food, only necessary clothing items; and absolutely no take out! It was sheer torture, but we pulled through it...and much like someone with a chemical dependency finding an unlocked closet full of narcotics and liquor, I have fallen off the wagon. Hard!

Just as an example, I came home yesterday to find a box on my porch. I love getting packages! To coin the song and show you how truly dorky I am, "brown paper packages tied up with strings. These are a few of my favorite things." I think I literally broke into song when I saw the box on my doorstep. In this box were approximately 24 t-shirts of various colors, necklines, and sleeve lengths. Probably enough t-shirts to open my own t-shirt shop. Yes I know, very very very bad. But that didn't stop me from marching straight upstairs and trying on each and every single t-shirt!

So, I often wonder about the whole phrase, "everything in moderation including moderation." Is it Zen of me to stand in front of my bedroom mirror trying on t-shirt after t-shirt? Is it truly wrong to indulge every once in awhile and really go all out? I am not sure, but I have a beautiful rainbow of t-shirts to meditate on while I ponder this.